The Dog Who Saved Christmas Vacation

Dear Erica,

ABC Family is once again up to no good with this craptacular TV movie, complete with talking dogs. Yet I subjected myself to it for some ungodly reason. All you need to know is that the main dogs are played by Paris Hilton and Mario Lopez. It's a toss up as to which one of them I hate more. I suppose I will have to call it even and just let you watch the trailer to see what I put myself through.



Till next time,
Bradley

30 Rock: Ludachristmas

Dear Erica,

Elaine Stritch is some sort of genius. Andy and I saw her at the State Theatre in Minneapolis a handful of years ago, performing in a one woman show about her life. It was astounding to watch this woman in her eighties singing, dancing and acting with all the verve in the world. Although I guess if you don't give it your all when it's the story of your life, when will you?

My favorite 30 Rock episode, although this changes daily and should not be considered definitive, is "Ludachristmas." Stritch has since made annual appearances on episodes of the show thanks to her memorable portrayal of Jack Donaghy's mother in this one. She even won an Emmy for it, and deservedly so. I'd show you a clip from the show, but I wouldn't want to spoil it in case you haven't seen it yet. And if you have not, stop reading, slap yourself and buy the DVD immediately. Instead, I want to share a video of her accepting an Emmy Award. This is not the Emmy she won for 30 Rock, but rather the one she nabbed for the screen version of the aforementioned stage show about her life. It's one of the greatest acceptance speeches of all time...



For the record, my other favorite 30 Rock episode is "Rosemary's Baby" starring comedy legend Carrie Fisher. Oh, and "Subway Hero" starring comedy legend Tim Conway. Or "Gavin Volure" starring comedy legend Steve Martin. Oh, who am I kidding? I love them all, each starring future comedy legend Tina Fey.

Till next time,
Bradley

Home Alone

Dear Erica,

Yesterday I wrote about how much I love Home Alone 2, and then I put in the original tonight. I wasn't lying, I still prefer the hi-jinks in the hotel; however, when it comes down to it, Home Alone (1) is a far superior movie. Macaulay Culkin is younger and cuter. He doesn't have to compete with a huge cast of characters and virtually carries the whole movie himself. Catherine O'Hara gets a lot more to do, which is always a good thing. John Candy is in it. The attack on Joe Pesci and Daniel Stern only lasts about 15 minutes, whereas in the sequel they are tortured to to the point of near death for almost half an hour. The creepy-neighbor-turned-nice-guy is completely endearing. So, yeah, it's actually a better movie. I love both and usually watch number 2 more times each Christmas, but looking back it's easy to see what made the franchise so popular in the first place. That reason is Culkin. And it's safe to say that child actors don't get cuter as they get older. So I have to admit it's probably better to check out this one if given the choice between the two.

Till next time,
Bradley

Home Alone 2: Lost in New York

Dear Erica,

Macaulay Culkin is up to his hi-jinks yet again in this remake of the first Home Alone. I call it a remake rather than a sequel since, let's be honest here, it's practically a scene for scene retread. Although I love the original Home Alone, I prefer this one for several reasons. It has three plot devices that I am partial to: Christmas, New York and hotels. I'm a sucker for movies that have virtually any of these dictating the action. New York (Woody Allen and Nora Ephron movies), hotels (Some Like it Hot) and Christmas (insert any Christmas movie here). Put them all together and I will think you have nothing short of a masterpiece. Home Alone 2 scores on all counts.

Catherine O'Hara and John Heard should probably be arrested for reckless endangerment of a child. In the first movie they seem genuinely shocked and horrified to forget their kid when they go on vacation. I get the feeling in this one that, yeah, they feel bad, but he's a big boy and will figure it out. There are a couple obligatory "NOTHING'S GONNA STOP ME FROM FINDING MY CHILD" scenes, but mostly they laugh and reminisce over the last time they put their boy in jeopardy. Love it!

The hotel staff is priceless. Ever since Tim Curry made Clue, he can pretty much do no wrong in my eyes. He's particularly funny in this, playing up his British oaf routine to the max. I can safely say this is the only good Rob Schneider movie and (I can't believe I'm saying this) he's really good in his bit part. Dana Ivey manages to take any wee part she is handed and mine it for comedy gold. I actually have a funny story about her. She was slurping soup, all alone, in a swanky New York restaurant one time and everyone could feel her icy chill as she stared silently up from her bowl. Okay, maybe it's not that funny, but I thought I'd share anyway.

With such a great cast in the hotel, it's sort of a shame they brought back Daniel Stern and Joe Pesci as the bad guys. Culkin could have just as easily put the hotel staff through a maze of torture at the Plaza. Perhaps then it wouldn't have seemed like such a repeat of the original. Imagine what he could have done if he somehow rigged a bunch of hotel rooms. No disrespect to Stern or Pesci. They were great in the first one. But did we really need to see them return? Not when we have Tim Curry that could take a paint can to the face.

Along with Christmas Vacation, Jingle All the Way, Christmas With the Kranks and Mixed Nuts, this is the most watched Christmas flick on my shelf. I usually wait until December to break it out, but with the days going by faster and faster it seemed silly to hold off any longer.

Till next time,
Bradley

Love Actually

Dear Erica,

Every time I watch this movie I have a new favorite character or plot line. When I first saw the movie I was smitten with the girl who plays Hugh Grant's foul mouthed assistant. She's easily one of the most gorgeous women I have ever laid eyes on, and she's funny to boot. Then there is Keira Knightly's admirer. I have no idea who he is, but he's so endearing when he shows up at her doorstep to profess his feelings. I cry EVERY time I see the scene. Liam Neeson and his son are just so awesome together. When Christmas morning rolls around and Emma Thompson realizes her husband is having an affair, my heart breaks a million times over. Bill Nighy as the washed up rocker is easily the funniest character, although he has stiff competition from the British bloke on a trip to the USA. The only story line I have a hard time watching is the Laura Linney saga with her brother. When her cell phone keeps going off during her date with one of the most gorgeous people alive (who also just happens to be a good guy), I almost have to plug my ears and look away. It's just too devastating. Which, I suppose, is the point of the whole thing. Another reason I love this flick is for its awesome soundtrack. Not only does it have some terrific Christmas tunes, but it also has some kick-ass pop tunes from the early 2000's. I remember this movie came a couple years after 9/11 and was one of the first to use it as an emotional grabber. It certainly worked and this will always be one of my all time favorite movies. It's not easy to keep a cast this huge in line without confusing the audience, and this one never takes a misstep. Every time I watch it I find something new to love, so I think I'm going to pop it in again right now!

Till next time,
Bradley

Aretha Franklin

Dear Erica,

Aretha's Winter Wonderland is my ultimate Christmas recording. I usually wait until the first snowfall to bust this one out, but I couldn't wait. And I was so thrilled to have found it online. Do enjoy!



Till next time,
Bradley

Stockard Channing

Dear Erica,


It's hard to believe that it was TWO YEARS ago that we spent Thanksgiving in New York. It was a glorious holiday that I will never forget as long as I live. We did so many fun things, it's impossible to know where to begin. The Macy's parade, of course. Starbucks before the parade. Shopping on the pier underneath the Brooklyn Bridge. Pictures at Rockefeller Center. Avenue Q. Jamba Juice. Times Square. Central Park. Zabar's. Bryant Park. FAO Schwartz. Tiffany's. And on and on. But the one thing that stands out, and will stand the test of time, is seeing Stockard Channing live on stage. Holy crap, that was deliciously awful.

Stockard Channing was absolutely, completely, totally, unbelievably and disastrously miscast as Vera Charles in Roundabout's rinky dink revival of Rodgers and Hart's Pal Joey. I can't think of anyone worse for the role, except perhaps the other Channing from Hello, Dolly. Although I would have paid top dollar to see that as well. At 89 years old, I'm sure "Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered" describes her morning.

Not that Stockard Channing is far off from that age herself. Back when she made Grease in 1978, I think she was about 50 or 60 years old playing a teenager. While she may like playing roles decades younger than her actual age, I'm pretty sure Vera was not intended to be a post-menopausal hag in orthopedic shoes. But that's the version we got under director Joe Mantello's radically weird interpretation. It was startling to see this granny hoofing it from one side of the stage to the other. Well, "hoofing it" might be overstating her choreography. Although they did send that poor woman up and down an ugly spiral staircase about a thousand times. No wonder she spent the rest of the play propped up on a Posturpedic Adjustable Bed. She's supposed to be a woman who has hit the sheets with many men, but in this version she lounges in bed because, I don't know, she slipped a disc?

Then there is the other bizarre casting decision in the name of Matthew Risch. Plucked from the chorus to STAR as Joey in Pal-freaking-Joey was a wispy chorus boy whose only asset as an actor appeared to be his abs. Although lately that gets performers farther and father. Nowadays actors are studying their craft at Bally's Total Fitness. I'm sure Julliard now has a spinning class.

Thinking back, perhaps this is why Stockard seemed so damn old. Here was a respectable and mature actress carrying on with a slutty and juvenile twink. Was this the intention? Did Mantello decide that we've all seen the Oedipus story, where a son falls in love with his mother, so he instead chose to make it about a boy in love with someone who could be his grandmother? If so, he should probably see a therapist because that's just weird. This is Rodgers and Hart, not Harold and Maude.

I don't want to give the impression that I do not like Stockard Channing. In fact, quite the opposite is true. I have loved her for years and think she has a truly original comedic voice. She has the rare ability to deliver a punchline in a way you did not expect. Sure, I have often wanted to come at her with a face cloth. It might be that she uses a charcoal blush, but quite often it looks like she just came out of a mineshaft. And you know she smells of Pall Malls and flop sweat. But no matter, she's a terrific actress. I suppose it's not her fault for being miscast in this production that could best be described as a shambles. Why would she turn down a paying gig? At least she tried her best. Instead of warbling out the classic songs, she wisely chose to speak sing them all. Which is a shame, given Pal Joey has some of the best songs ever written for the musical theater. But I would rather hear them spoken than decimated. Here she can be seen resting during one of her big musical numbers.



As for Risch, I suppose I can't blame him either for nabbing a lead role when it presented itself. When you're young, you have no idea when you're out of your league. He spent the whole show floundering in Gene Kelly's enormous set of shoes. You sort of had to feel bad for the guy. That is until he lifted his shirt and out came the muscles. Then it was "screw you, buddy."

Despite the fact that the production was awful, there is no place I would have rather been on this Thanksgiving with you. From that day on, the songs of Pal Joey will mean Thanksgiving to me. Not many people have a soundtrack for this holiday, but just as "Silent Night" makes one think of Jesus in a manger, "I Could Write a Book" will remind me of stuffing in a turkey. And my bestest Thanksgiving friend.

Till next time,
Bradley

Planes, Trains and Automobiles

Dear Erica,

Since I lived in the states for so long, I still like to celebrate the American Thanksgiving. Having it in the middle of October like we do in Canada just competes with Halloween, and certainly does not feel like the kick off to the Christmas season. It's more like an excuse for turkey followed by pumpkin carving. No, I prefer the holiday to be at the end of November. Lights are already hung on lamp posts, the malls are decked out in holly, and the day after Thanksgiving is the biggest shopping day of the year. Ah, Christmas! Every few years it actually lands on my birthday, so I suppose it's not only the kick off to Christmas, but also my birthday. So it's a double whammy!

Thanksgiving would not be the same without Planes, Trains and Automobiles. I never get tired of watching this one. Steve Martin is a jerk through most of it, but somehow the obnoxious but loveable John Candy manages to balance out his arrogance and make us understand how much he just wants to get home. It's not just one of the best movies of the 80's, or best Steve Martin movie, or best John Hughes comedy...it's one of the best ever. It's as simple as that.

For all intents and purposes, this is a road movie. As a rule, road movies are garbage. They are generally nothing more than a series of unfortunate events that pile up on the main characters until the movie hits 90 minutes, when it abruptly ends. This is perhaps the only road movie I can think of that is actually a comedic examination of the human condition disguised as a road movie. Sure, they face one obstacle after another, and they are all HILARIOUS, but it's really about watching two people become friends.

There are so many classic scenes it's impossible to know where to begin. "Those aren't pillows!" "My dogs are barking." "You're going the wrong way!" "Her first baby come out sideways." "This is your Diane Sawyer autographed earring." And the list goes on. But my favorite, as I'm sure it is for many, is the scene with the car rental and Edie McLurg. I'm not one who appreciates too much swearing in a movie, and this scene is why an otherwise family friendly movie got an R rating, but it's so hysterical that I am so pleased John Hughes had the balls to leave it in. Today he would have been so eager to get a PG rating that one of the most classic scenes of all time would never have seen the light of day. And here it is...



One last note. Every time I see this movie, I miss John Candy more and more. He was truly an original. How deserving that he has a classic film to his name that will never be forgotten.

Till next time,
Bradley

Christmas Clips

Dear Erica,

I didn't have time to watch a Christmas movie today since I was busy learning CPR and wound management at work. Nothing says happy holidays like "drowning" dummies and gauze. But I did find this nicely edited video on YouTube. I have not seen all of these movies and, from the looks of the clip, I should find them STAT!



Till next time,
Bradley

Saved by the Bell

Dear Erica,

Oh my god, I am a total Saved by the Bell geek. I love Zack's acid washed jeans, bloused shirts and mondo cell phone; Slater's jumbo workout shirts, with armpits down to his waist; Kelly's hair flip; Jessie's irrational behavior; the Lisa and Screech love affair. All of it, I love! And no episode makes me happier than "A Home for Christmas," when for some inexplicable reason a homeless man turns out to be living in a posh Beverly Hills mall. The kids all band together to save the homeless man and give him, you guessed it, a home for Christmas.

I may regret admitting it, but when I first saw this episode on TBS (back when everything started 5 minutes after the hour), I cried. I got the warm fuzzies when all of these over-privileged valley kids put their room temperature IQ's together and found a solution for this homeless man. The fact that they could open homeless shelters on every corner with their millions of dollars is beside the point. Besides, all the other homeless men aren't as attractive as the one they are saving anyway.

Watching this episode now (yes, I have every season of the show on DVD), I see that Zack really just wanted to get into the pants of the homeless man's daughter. He baits her with potato chips, fancy clothes and Christmas sing-alongs. Thank goodness this was the 90's and teenage shows were entirely innocent. Were this Gossip Girl, the plot would have gone has such: "I gave your dad a home, bitch. Now get in my bed."

Even when I am old and gray, I will continue to watch this episode each year. It reminds me of a time when I was a teenager, TV was innocent and cell phones were huge.

Till next time,
Bradley

Christmas With the Kranks

Dear Erica,

Typically when actors play mentally retarded characters it means they are grandstanding for awards. Which makes me wonder if Jamie Lee Curtis thought a movie titled Christmas With the Kranks, based on a vapid novella by John Grisham, would somehow land her in contention for an Oscar. Based on her portrayal of Nora Krank, an oddly old fashioned housewife in modern day Chicago, it seems to me she studied Sean Penn's performance in I Am Sam for pointers. Either that or enrolled in acting classes taught by Corky from Life Goes On.

I don't mean to be offensive or politically incorrect, but if you've seen the movie you will know where I'm coming from. The movie is about a couple who, after their daughter goes away to college, decides to skip Christmas in favor of a cruise. The entire neighborhood revolts against the Kranks and does everything in their power to get them into the holiday spirit. Much of the plot revolves around getting an 8 foot Frosty the Snowman perched precariously on their rooftop. Why they are so gung-ho about hoisting this tacky plastic lawn ornament on their roof is unclear in the movie. In the book it's because the neighborhood is involved in a contest for the best decorated street in Chicago. Somehow that plot point got chopped out of the movie, which makes all the neighbors look like raving psychopaths. Perhaps they studied Kathy Bates in Misery for their inspiration. Judging from their total insanity, it's quite possible.

Tim Allen co-stars as Luther Krank. Allen makes 5 or 6 Christmas movies a year, so it's understandable that a rotten one will slip into his filmography. Contrary to what you may be thinking, I'm actually referring to The Santa Clause 3. Wow, that movie sucks. It's a fiasco on an entirely different level than this one. Kranks is dreadful, to be sure, but it's one of those "so bad, it's GREAT" movies. Clause 3 is just deplorable in every way.

Back to the Kranks and Jamie Lee Curtis. Rather than dealing with last minute Christmas arrangements, what the movie should address is Nora's urgent need for medication. Let's take a look at the facts...

1) Her paranoia runs rampant. At one point she crawls on the floor like an army trooper and then hides under the covers because she thinks Dan Ackroyd is spying on her.

2) She's obsessive. At the grocery store she goes ballistic over a hickory honey ham, tackling some old lady in the freezer section.

3) She acts like a child. After said feud at the grocery store, her ham is obliterated by an 18 wheeler and she throws a temper tantrum in the parking lot. She pounds her fists on the concrete and cries for the whole city to hear. Yet she's worried what people think when she's doing her laundry at home?

4) Her fashion sense. At one point she squeezes into a Christmas vest that appears to have been made for a Cocker Spaniel. It would barely fit a mid-sized pooch, let alone her mid-life paunch.

5) She's bat shit crazy. She invites a strange man, who appears to be some sort of creepy pedophile, to her Christmas party. Where children will be present!

Instead of a Christmas party, the neighbors should be holding an intervention for this woman in desperate need of help. Her secret Santa should buy her a straight jacket and commit her to an institution for the holidays. Now THAT would be an interesting movie. Then Jamie Lee Curtis might win an Oscar after all.

Till next time,
Bradley

My Dad

Dear Erica,

It was 15 years ago today that my dad died. I remember the day perfectly. I was rehearsing a silly one act play called Drive-In with my friends in Rhonda Collins' basement. About half way through the rehearsal, I got this funny feeling. Something inside of me relaxed and I knew that he was no longer with us. It was not long after this feeling took over that my Auntie Donna turned up at the door with the news. I remember not being very sad at the time. Many times I have felt guilty for not feeling much at all, but looking back, I was only 14 so how was I supposed to react? We didn't have much in common and most of the time I tried to avoid him when he was in the house anyway. I suppose that's why I stayed in my bedroom and turned my attention to TV sitcoms.

I'm turning 30 in 6 days, so very soon I will have been on this planet without him longer than I ever was with him. Each passing day the memories fade a little bit more, but time has a way of making the good memories stick around longer than the bad ones. I remember him being very stressed most of the time and sometimes that would result in tense meals around the dinner table or long evenings of picking rocks in the field. Let me tell you, picking rocks is not fun. Neither is an argument about balancing plates on top of ketchup bottles. But it's the good times that remind me how much he must of loved us all.

He never said he loved me, but our Sunday mornings at the lake showed me that he did. I could not have been more than 5 or 6, but he would wake me up at the crack of dawn every single Sunday to whisk me into Carlyle for breakfast at the Skyline. He always let me have chocolate milk, even though I was allergic. He would slather peanut butter on my toast. Then he would take me for a drive around the village, hitting all of the yard sales we could find. We always came back with a treasure. I'm sure most of them are still hiding in drawers somewhere in the cabin.

Then there was our bedtime ritual, where my brother and I would get out of the tub, slick our hair back and get into our jammies. Before we came into the living room to say good night, he would have to guess what characters we were wearing before we rushed to his chair and jumped into his lap. He may have been an intimidating business man, but he also knew the importance of He-Man and Popple pajamas.

But my best memories of my dad are on Christmas morning. My mom always worked herself to the bone, and continues to do so, making sure everyone has the best Christmas possible. I feel so lucky to have had 29 glorious December 25ths so far, thanks to the most wonderful woman I know. I'm not completely sure because I was so little, but I always got the feeling that dad got a little giddy on Christmas morning as well. One year it snowed something terrible, but instead of growling at us to get out the shovels, he told me that we should leave it because Santa preferred to park his sleigh on the snow. There was just something so relaxed about him on those mornings, sitting on the couch with the rest of us instead of his usual perch on the recliner. Perhaps it's because there were no phones to answer, rigs to move or fields to cultivate. Who knows, maybe it was the trays upon trays of peanuts and chocolate. But I think it was the one day he could sit back, relax and realize what an amazing family he had. He worked so hard the other 364 days of the year to provide for us all and this was his time set aside to enjoy it. Even if that's not the case, that's how I choose to remember it. Because provide he did. And well, at that. I wouldn't be where I am today had it not been for him.

Every morning when I glance in the mirror I find myself looking more and more like him. The hair is going, the wrinkles are coming and if I had a mustache it would be many different shades of brown and red. I'm also a perfectionist and hate when people are late. I don't understand why people do the bare minimum when they are capable of more. I get angry at the stupidest things sometimes and curse him for giving me his temper. But I also still enjoy peanut butter on my toast. Whenever I get into my pajamas, I ask him to guess what I'm wearing. And on Christmas morning, I take a look around and thank my lucky stars for having the family I do. And the father I had. Then I gorge on peanuts and chocolate!

Till next time,
Bradley

Santa's Slay

Dear James,

I laughed and laughed at your "Santa's Slay" comment. Then I looked it up and it turns out someone beat you to it.

I think I have a new must-watch.

Till next time,
Bradley

PS: Fannie Flagg is coming with me to Second Cup on Saturday. I can't wait!

Ina and Martha

Dear Erica,

Nothing says Christmas quite like the Food Network. This time of year there are round the clock holiday specials, including Thanksgiving bake-offs, cookie swaps and contests for who can make the largest edible wreath. I am sucker for each and every one of these extravaganzas! Unfortunately, Food Network Canada pales in comparison to its American counterpart. Why would I watch wispy Anna Olson (who wavers over every ingredient) when I could instead tune into the divine Ina Garten. And who cares about Chef at Home Michael Smith when you could have Martha Stewart? Ah well, I have my Food Network USA DVD's to keep me pleasantly cooking this Christmas.


Martha Stewart can be intimidating. We all know her way is the right way, but sometimes you need someone like Ina Garten to remind you that while a turkey does need butter for a crispy skin, it does not require an erotic dairy massage before going into the oven.


Last year I made Martha's Buche de Noel. It took me 3 days to accomplish, but I did it. And here was the result...


Not bad for a first timer. Although here's what it was supposed to look like...


I'm still pleased with my accomplishment, but I have to confess that while I used Martha's recipe, I watched Ina's execution to guide me through it. With Martha looking over my shoulder, I felt I might get a Tonya Harding to the knees if I screwed up one of the meringue mushrooms. But with Ina, I made candy fungus without a care in the world.

Tonight I just watched Martha make a Christmas seafood salad that looked like a barnacle bucket from hell. Now I don't know how many egg nogs she had before taping, but squid and prawns belong no where near my Christmas table. We all know that stuffing a bird's ass says "noel." Shucking clams not so much. On the other hand, I also watched Ina use oysters in her stuffing; however, she repeatedly reminds us that we can omit the fish if we so desire. Something tells me if you asked Martha to leave out the fish, she would rip the handmade pine cone corsage off your wrist and send you to bed without supper.

This year I am going to tackle Ina's pumpkin/banana tart and Martha's English rib roast with popovers and gravy. Everyone is invited.

Till next time,
Bradley

Christmas in Connecticut

Dear Erica,

I want it to be very, very clear that I did not watch the bizarre TV remake from the 90's, starring a virtual who's not in Hollywood. Dyan Cannon, Kris Kristofferson and Tony Curtis were the leads in that mess, directed by none other than Arnold Schwartzenegger. Yes, that's right. No, I'm not kidding. I swear. Really. What's that, you say? "WTF?" My thoughts exactly.

No, I watched the glorious 1945 original. Barbara Stanwyck turns up yet again in another holiday treat. While not as heartwarming as Remember the Night, Christmas in Connecticut is a delicious door slamming farce that stays on its toes throughout. Truth be told, despite the title it's actually not very Christmassy at all. They pass by a decorated tree a few times, but the whole thing could really be called "In Connecticut" and the plot would stay the same. But no matter, it's become one of those movies that we all watch this time of year.

What's most interesting about this movie is the sexual chemistry between Stanwyck and her co-star, Dennis Morgan. Who? I have no idea, either. This was his only major part. I have a funny feeling he was sleeping with Stanwyck at the time and got the part at her insistence. Then they broke up and he was never heard from again. It's safe to say this hunch is entirely untrue, but what else could explain the ridiculous amount of sexual energy between the two? On more than one occasion, they rub up against each other and, I swear, the film stock melts a little and everything goes out of focus. Then there's a running bit with a rocking chair that is oddly risque for a movie from the 1940's. Watch it again and tell me they are not insinuating something kinky.

The supporting cast is hysterical, the sets are extravagant and "Miss Stanwyck's Gowns by Edith Head" are jaw dropping. All reasons enough to pop this in now, or any time of year.

Till next time,
Bradley

Die Hard

Dear Erica,

Have you seen Die Hard? I never have and everyone keeps telling me I should blog about it. How could an action movie possibly be a Christmas classic? I get that it takes place on Christmas Eve, but does tinsel and twinkle lights have anything to do with the actual story? If so, I am totally game to give it a watch. Otherwise, I would rather not see Bruce Willis in full testosterone mode. I don't think I have it in me.

Please let me know!

Till next time,
Bradley

Four Christmases

Dear Erica,

I first saw this movie at 30,000 feet in the air. Something about seeing a movie on an airplane, be it the altitude or the lack of alternatives, makes everything better. Upon second viewing, Four Christmases is not nearly as good as I remembered it. It's actually pretty funny, but I disembarked that plane thinking I had just seen a new Christmas classic or something. While decent, it's no Christmas Vacation.


The supporting cast is fantastic, and includes Sissy Spacek, Jon Voight, Robert Duvall and Mary Steenburgen. All of them have Oscars, by the way. Also on board are Jon Favreau, Tim McGraw, Dwight Yoakam and Kristin Chenoweth. They are all very funny and work well together. Unfortunately its two stars are the repressible Vince Vaughn and Reese Witherspoon. Election and Legally Blonde aside, I don't get why Witherspoon is such a huge star. That she has an Oscar practically gives me hives. Then there's Vaughn, who I find to be the most crass, vulgar and unlikeable actor ever. He just shouts and yells all his lines and for some reason people think it's funny. I don't get it. Fortunately the writer and director have given his character a few sympathetic qualities so I was mostly able to overlook my preconceived notions of his crappiness. Witherspoon gets some cute lines and is generally pretty enough to forgive her bitchy moments.

I can see why this movie was so popular. It's amiable, has a great supporting cast and is only 89 minutes long. All in all, a fun diversion while wrapping gifts.

Till next time,
Bradley

Skipping Christmas

Dear Erica,

I took the night off from watching Christmas movies to catch The Kids Are All Right before it comes out on DVD this Tuesday. I absolutely loved that movie, but since it has nothing to do with Christmas, I will leave it there.

But I got to thinking that since I am taking a day off from Christmas movies, I would let you know what Christmas movies I will NOT be watching this year. Usually I am a trooper and joyously trudge through every holiday movie on my shelf. However, that shelf has gotten increasingly expansive over the years so I think it's time to cross a few off my list. This year, anyways. So here goes...

Surviving Christmas - Ben Affleck hires the family who moved into his childhood home to provide him a warm and merry holiday. It's not the worst thing I've seen, but it's mean spirited and has a weird porno subplot that has no place in a Christmas movie. I don't think so.

Deck the Halls - Danny DeVito vows to decorate his house so brightly that it can be seen from space. Matthew Broderick launches an attack from across the street. Kristin Davis is a total idiot. Life is just too short for this crap.

How the Grinch Stole Christmas (the Jim Carrey version) - This is bar none the ugliest movie I have ever laid eyes on. What the hell was Ron Howard thinking when he directed this garbage? It's shot extremely poorly, as if there were a drunken hobo holding the camera. Yuck.

Miracle on 34th Street (1994) - Dylan McDermott looks like he smells really good and Mara Wilson is totally adorable. But after the first half hour it becomes so god-awful and boring that I have to take a year off from this one. It's maybe worth visiting every few years or so, but that's about it.

Fred Claus - God, how I hated this heaping pile of cow dung. Paul Giamatti as Santa Claus? Say what?! Worst casting ever.

Yeah, these are going to collect dust for another year. We'll see what happens when I pull them out again in 12 months, but somehow I doubt time will make them any better.

Till next time,
Bradley

Remember the Night

Dear Erica,

This romantic comedy/drama boasts a pedigree of top tier talent that just happens to include my favorite screenwriter, favorite stars and one of my newly favorite directors. Preston Sturges wrote and directed some of my all time favorite comedies, including The Lady Eve, Sullivan's Travels, The Miracle of Morgan's Creek and what I consider the best screwball ever made, The Palm Beach Story. This was the last movie he wrote before becoming a director, so the man at the helm on this picture was Mitchell Leisen. I just recently discovered this treasure, who also directed the magnificent Midnight and Easy Living (also written by Sturges). Leisen has a knack for directing elegant comedies that it's a shame he is not as well known as Ernst Lubitsch or Billy Wilder. Perhaps that's because he was particularly adept at directing women that he was not always able to land the biggest male stars of the day.

Here his muse is clearly the lovely Barbara Stanwyck. She is hands down my favorite leading lady to ever hit the screen. Not only does she have the most beautiful face I have ever seen, she manages to bring warm qualities to the dastardly characters she was routinely given. In Remember the Night she is a street-wise kleptomaniac who gets caught swiping a bracelet from a posh department store just before Christmas. She ends up in the slammer awaiting trial, but the prosecution hopes to postpone the trial until after the holidays as not to allow sympathetic jurors sway the verdict in her favor.

And just who is the prosecuting attorney? Fred MacMurray, that's who. Yes, the same man Stanwyck would later star with in the quintessential film noir, Double Indemnity. MacMurray rarely gets his due as one of the most talented (not to mention handsome) leading men of the 40's. His eleven seasons on the insipid My Three Sons probably erased the impact he made in films, which is too bad because he's positively charming and any person in their right mind should have a mad crush on him. Stanwyck sure does in this movie, and out on bail she rides with him to spend Christmas with his family in Indiana. See, she had a dismal childhood so this Christmas of stoking the fire, singing around the piano, gift openings, barn dances...well, you get the idea.

Cliches like "you'll laugh, you'll cry" make me cringe, but were made for movies like this one. It's funny and touching, so I'll say it. You'll laugh, you'll cry. I promise.

Till next time,
Bradley

Disney's A Christmas Carol

Dear Erica,

It won't be long and Robert Zemeckis will have invented a computer program that makes movies without any human involvement whatsoever. Push one button and it writes, directs, designs and acts itself. We'll call it Zemeckisvision and every movie will be perfect. I know it sounds implausible, but if I said 10 years ago that you could fit 20,000 CD's in your pocket, you would have laughed in my face. Mark my words, computers will soon be putting actors out of work. That would be fine for the Steve Harveys and Megan Foxes, but what about the Meryl Streeps and Sean Penns?

I absolutely adored his first foray into motion capture, The Polar Express. He did the same, although less successfully, with Beowulf. Now he has taken on one of the most popular books of all time. And one that every film director seems to tackle before they die. As a side note, I'd love to see Woody Allen's take on this Dickens tale. Woody himself as Ebenezer Scrooge would be a hoot. Set in New York (of course), some of his real life drama could be put into the fold. Mia Farrow as the Ghost of Christmas Past. Ak! Now THAT would be awesome. But I digress.

This new version stars Jim Carrey and I actually really enjoyed it. I can take or leave the 3D aspect, since that gimmick does nothing for me. If anything it just means more superfluous action sequences to show off the technology. What this retelling values is both the darkness of the book and the spirit of the holidays. It also knows how to take its time, sometimes painfully so, in order to build suspense.

Jim Carrey is nothing short of magnificent. These are the kind of roles I like him in; when he's not contorting his face like a clown with Parkinson's Disease or trying his hand at "less is more acting" and basically sleepwalks through a movie. No, as Scrooge he is both scary and warm at the same time. We fear his tyrannical benders, yet there is always a glimmer of hope that he may be capable of change.

Visually it's a stunner. The Polar Express people were a bit creepy and mush-mouthed, but here they have far more realistic faces and bodies. No Ooompah-Loompah Tom Hankses this time around.

All in all, this is a thrilling and respectable entry into the Christmas Carol canon. You gotta hand it to Dickens for writing a story that, while waaaaaaaaaaaaaay over done, is always entertaining. And touching, too.

Till next time,
Bradley

Mrs. Miracle

Dear Erica,

In an effort to save some of my favorites for closer to Christmas, I picked up this Hallmark Channel original. Wow. It's...um...interesting. It stars Doris Roberts and James Van Der Beek. That's probably all you need to know to get an idea of how good it is. Here's the trailer from Hallmark's website:



It's weird to see Dawson Leary as a single dad. And even weirder to see Mrs. Barone as some sort of Mary Poppins meets Supernanny meets The Good Witch of the North. And upon doing some Google research, I was shocked to read that this is part of a series. Yes, that's right. Mrs. Miracle appears in more than one of these sappy sap-fests. If you can't sleep and see it on TV at about 4am, I'd say flip it on and see if it puts you in the spirit. My guess is no, but it might put you back to sleep.

Till next time,
Bradley

Annie vs Annie

Dear Erica,

Everyone has seen Annie, right? If not, they must seek it out immediately to find out what they have been missing. Oh wait, I should clarify that I mean the Disney TV remake from 1999 and not the bloated atrocity from the 80's. The Disney version ends on Christmas day and, in the words of Clark Griswold, it's the "hap-hap-happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap danced with Danny-fucking-Kaye." All the bedraggled orphans, including Annie herself, find homes in enormous mansions with filthy rich New York socialites. In retrospect, you know these kids are going to be raised by immigrant nannys, but whatever. At least they will be able to pee in gold plated toilets instead of rusty chamber pots. And they won't have to clean them, either.

Even though it has little to do with Christmas, I have a few things I'd like to get off my chest about the original version. This Annie stars the cloying Aileen Quinn as our hero. Her "aww, shucks" Shirley Temple impression makes it totally understandable why her parents dumped her off at an orphanage. As Miss Hannigan (the evil bitch who runs the orphanage), Carol Burnett wobbles drunkenly throughout the movie, eating the scenery for breakfast, lunch and dinner. And the plot has been so mangled and expanded upon that we often lose track of the story in favor of bizarre action sequences, complete with six feet tall stunt men wearing dresses and red fright wigs in place of our star.

What the Disney remake gets SO RIGHT is focusing in on Annie as a sweet young girl who finds herself alone during the holidays, dreaming of a family as the best Christmas present she could ever receive. This makes the finale, underneath a gigantic evergreen that's been decked out in bright lights and glitter, far more powerful an ending. They keep the entire plot confined to December, which allows our leads to look cozy and warm in their woolen scarves and mittens. The cast is also far more likable. Kathy Bates, Victor Garber, Audra McDonald, Kristin Chenoweth, adorable Alicia Morton as Annie, and even the usually skeezy Alan Cumming, all bring a huge amount of heart and class to a movie brilliantly re-conceptualized as a Christmas story that demands to be enjoyed each and every December.

Till next time,
Bradley

Nora Ephron

Dear Erica,

Christmas routinely makes an appearance in every Nora Ephron movie, either as a major plot point or sometimes just to denote a passage in time. There are many reasons I love her movies. Her pointed sense of humor about the mundane is similar to mine. She is not afraid of schmaltz. And she makes an art out of romantic comedy. However, it is her affinity for twinkle lights and tinsel that puts her in the top echelon of writer/directors. Let's take a look!

When Harry Met Sally - All of the holidays are met to some degree, but Meg Ryan drags a Christmas tree down Madison Avenue so this counts as a Christmas movie. There is also a wonderful Christmas montage that follows the infamous line: "I'll have what she's having." Test audiences laughed so long and hard at this bit of dialogue that the Christmas montage kept being extended as not to interfere with the following scene. Score!

Sleepless in Seattle - Meg Ryan once again finds herself on Christmas eve, this time singing along to Jingle Bells with Gene Autry. "Horses, horses, horses, horses..." is repeatedly quoted this time of year. It's my favorite scene in the movie! There are also Christmas toasts galore and more than one hideous reindeer sweater.

You've Got Mail - Third in the Meg Ryan trilogy has less to do with Christmas. Fall and spring are far more predominant. Yet there is enough foggy breath and garland to classify this as a Christmas classic, even if her character is going through the worst moment of her life at the time. Since it's Meg Ryan we can pretty much guess everything will turn out in the end, so it doesn't really sour the holiday spirit.

Christmas appears, to a lesser extent, in all of her other movies. Then there is her epic ode to the holidays, Mixed Nuts, that is far too fantastic to be mixed in with these "almost Christmas" movies. Don't worry, there will be more on Mixed Nuts as December 25th gets closer. It's my favorite Christmas movie, after all, so I have to save it for when the decorations come out.

So to Nora, I thank you for understanding how Christmas makes every movie a better one. It's as if you have made them all just for me. Which you have, right?

Till next time,
Bradley

Pee Wee's Playhouse Christmas Special

Dear Erica,

The date was December 21, 1988. The place was Pee Wee's Playhouse. What monumental event took place at this time and place, you ask? Well, it was not just any old Christmas special. No, no. This is when the GAYEST television event of all time found its way into homes all over the world!


Pee Wee's Playhouse Christmas Special!!!

Let's look at the mondo huge cast of kick-ass guest stars: Joan Rivers, Zsa Zsa Gabor, k.d. lang, Oprah Winfrey, Whoopi Goldberg, Grace Jones, The Del Rubio Triplets, Charo, Dinah Shore, Annette Funicello, Frankie Avalon, Magic Johnson, Little Richard and Cher. CHER, people. She shows up, albeit for just a second, to reveal "today's secret word" (which is "year" by the way). If that's not the gayest thing you've ever heard, then I'd like to know what is. No, really. There's nothing gayer. Were Paul Lynde still alive, you know he would have been at this party too.

There is just so much to enjoy about this campy, wacky, silly holiday extravaganza that I have no idea where to begin. At the beginning, I suppose. A military choir, looking like a gay mens chorus aboard the HMS Pinwheel, sings a peppy, disco, wackadoodle theme song that gets things started with a bang. Then begins the onslaught of gay icons coming through the door, one after another, bringing their wonderfully entertaining antics into the playhouse.

k.d. lang sings a truly bizarre and rousing rendition of Jingle Bell Rock. The Del Rubio Triplets muck up the lyrics to Winter Wonderland, at one point singing "to face on the fray the plans that we may." Charo and her huge bassooms perform Feliz Navidad. Dinah Shore goes on and on and on and on and on and on with The Twelve Days of Christmas. Pee Wee barks rudely at Frankie Avalon and Annette Funicello, in some of the funniest comedy bits. Little Richard lands flat on his ass while skating on a sheet of ice. Magic Johnson takes a spin with the Magic Screen. Not to mention, the entire gang of regulars, including Miss Yvonne, Reba the mail lady, Mrs Renae, Cowboy Curtis, Jambi, Pterri, Conky and all the rest, are on hand to jam the entire playhouse with Christmas glee.

Amid all this craziness is Pee Wee himself, who somehow manages to capture exactly what it's like to be a child at this time of year.
"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!"
He may be wacky and a little bit crazy, but he's also got a humongous heart that welcomes anyone and everyone into his playhouse. Perhaps we all could learn a thing or two from this kid!

Till next time,
Bradley

The Wizard of Oz

Dear Erica,

There is nothing about this movie that screams Christmas. Heck, it takes place during a hot and humid Kansas summer. However, it wouldn't be the holidays without Auntie Em, The Wicked Witch or Dorothy. And Toto, too. I think it has to do with the fact that entire families continue to gather around the TV and get swept away by this joyous tale and all its many charms.

The older I get, the more this movie speaks to me. Now that 30 is just around the corner, I understand now more than ever what the important people in my life were trying to tell me when I was a kid. But we have to make our own mistakes and take our own chances before we can really understand how important "home" really is. We all have the power to click our heels at any time and return to our roots, but first we must rip up those roots and make a huge mess of everything before we can come back and appreciate the true measure of a family.

There is not a day that goes by that I do not think about those in my family who have died. When I think of my dad, who has now been gone for half of my life time, I could run crying into my bedroom like Dorothy after her feud with Miss Gulch. When I think of my dear grandmothers, I could rush foolishly toward trouble like Dorothy into the cyclone. Or I could close my eyes and travel the yellow brick road to the gates of Heaven, or the Wonderful World of Oz, where they all continue to live on and are never far away. All I have to do is dream and they are there.

Then there are those who live on and mean more to me than they will ever know. Whenever a storm begins to brew, I can count on Andy to turn on the lights. My aunts and uncles never batted an eyelash when I was a child and dressed in fancy hats and high heels. I have a sister who is truly amazing and has a family of her own that never ceases to amaze me with all its love. I might not have much in common with my big brother, but I know he's only a call away if ever I need him. Not to mention his thoughful children who are some of the funniest people I know. I was lucky to share a bedroom with the best little brother in the whole wide world, who knows all my childhood dreams. And of course there's my mom, who provided the greatest home one could ever ask for, and continues to be there for me every step of the way.

What does this all have to do with The Wizard of Oz? Everything. Sing to yourself one of its many classic tunes and allow yourself to be swept away. If we all take a moment out of our busy lives to dream, we can travel somewhere over the rainbow, where we can conquer anything we set our minds to. And what about Christmas, you ask? Simple. There really is no place like home and, to me, that's what Christmas is all about.

Till next time,
Bradley

Shari's Christmas Concert

Dear Erica,

In a male dominated profession, Shari Lewis does not always get her due for being the greatest ventriloquist of all time. Jeff Dunham, Terry Fator and even Edgar Bergen have nothing on her ability to breath life into a puppet. Perhaps only Wayland Flowers matches her ability to sustain a working relationship between dummy and puppeteer, but even he only had a fraction of her talent in other areas.

On top of ventriloquism (in which her mouth and throat NEVER move), Shari sings, dances, contorts, conducts orchestras, performs solo comedy routines, creates balloon animals, plays the violin WITH a puppet, and the list goes on and on. She also makes it all look so easy. Think about it. Despite having a huge cast of puppet characters, this is virtually a one-woman show and she never fails to deliver.

Check out this clip, and at about 5:50 she and Lamp Chop lay into a rousing (and none too simple) rendition of Jingle Bells that will knock your socks off.



It's easy to forget what a talented treasure she truly was because it all looks like a snap. Let me tell you, that snap was a long time in the making. This makes for one very merry Christmas from one very merry Jew.

Till next time,
Bradley

A Muppet Christmas: Letters to Santa

Dear Erica,

The Muppets have long been associated with holiday films and TV specials, but this colossal failure is best to be forgotten. It has the same old cast, but this time around that is exactly what they seem like...old. The Kermit/Miss Piggy saga has run its course, so it is rather sad to see it dredged up yet again. Gonzo has gotten so gloomy that I wish someone would write him a prescription for Prozac already. And Fozzie has become so retarded that it's almost cruel to laugh at his lame jokes.

The human cast (plucked from prime time NBC) seems thoroughly embarrassed to be seen anywhere near this project. Jane Krakowski looks particularly humiliated, as if she were kicking herself for not thoroughly reading the fine print on her 30 Rock contract that stated in addition to starring in the best show on NBC, she must also appear in the worst.



The only bright spot is Uma Thurman, who throws herself completely into her role as a North Pole Airlines clerk. She is genuinely funny, which kind of makes me feel sad for her. I mean, did no one tell her that this was a dud? But I guess what else does she have to do? Those Lean Cuisines don't pay for themselves.

Paul Williams has written some of the best Muppet tunes of all time, but here his songs are entirely lackluster, as if he composed them while undergoing kidney dialysis. Gone are the lilting ditties, and in their place are bland and mournful hymns for the over eighty set.

The Muppet gang should have packed it in when Jim Henson passed away in 1990. They have made some decent (and some terrific) movies since then - It's a Very Merry Muppet Christmas Movie and The Muppet Christmas Carol to name two. But those few minor triumphs hardly make it worth the time and effort put into pathetic productions such as this one, which only serve to sully the memory of Kermit and company.

Till next time,
Bradley

Holiday Affair

Dear Erica,

I'm sorry, but both the original and remake of Miracle on 34th Street are booooooring. We all want to love the story, and most claim to cherish it, but in actuality both versions become lame courtroom dramas that have nothing on Law and Order. The movie that should be revered for its Christmas cheer is this low budget charmer that has gobs more holiday spirit than Macy's and Santa Claus put together.

Janet Leigh stars as a single mother who has to choose between two men. One (Wendell Corey) is dependable, smart and patient...but a night with him would barely wrinkle the sheets. The other (Robert Mitchum) is unpredictable, unemployed and uneducated...but it would be difficult to keep your hands off him. That's pretty much the whole plot, but it never ever, not for a second, gets even remotely dull. The actors have an unusual amount of chemistry, perhaps thanks to some really witty dialogue and crisp direction.


The movie takes place in the 40's, and when I see Janet Leigh (in one of her earliest roles) I have to ask myself: what was she thinking with those brassieres? It must have taken a team of engineers to get those things on. Just look at the picture above. Why, oh why, did women dress this way? She could take out an eye with those knockers. Several times she dramatically spins around and I want to shout out to Robert Mitchum: "Look out!" Which I suppose he does, in a way. I'm sure I'm not giving away any spoilers by saying the top billed stars end up together. Poor Wendell Corey. He's perfectly nice and has a (sexy?) move or two up his sleeve. At one point her proposes he and Janet Leigh "have dinner, take in Moss Hart's new show, go home and make sure Timmy's asleep, then sit on the sofa and neck." Sounds good to me. If only he had a dimple in his chin he might have had a chance.

Finally, young Gordon Gebert plays Leigh's son in what is HANDS DOWN the best performance by a child in any movie ever. Not only that, it's one of the best movie performances for an actor of any age. Of all time. That's right, Meryl. There is not one word that comes out of his mouth that I do not believe completely. He's cute and warm and wise and magnificent. It's a shame he didn't go on to make a whole lot of other films. I read he's a college professor in Des Moines, Iowa now. Lucky students.

I know this isn't on most people's "must see" list at Christmas, but I beg you to locate a copy and pop it in. Your Christmas will be all the better for it.

Till next time,
Bradley

Frasier - High Holidays

Dear Erica,

I love sitcoms that make Christmas episodes each year. Most do not for the simple reason that those episodes are more difficult to sell into syndication. I get that train of thought, since it would be a bit jarring to watch your favorite characters hang some tinsel in the middle of May, but it's also no fun. If I were in charge of TV (which I am obviously not, or Glee would no longer be on the air) I would mandate that every single show must do a Christmas episode. Even if the characters do not celebrate Christmas, they should be forced to deal with it. Or in the case of Frasier, embrace it!

There are 11 great Christmas Frasier episodes, but this year I started with "High Holidays." In a nutshell, Martin accidentally injests a pot brownie. Let the hilarity ensue! On the other hand, Niles has eaten a brownie that he thought was laced with weed, but in actuality it's just a regular old brownie and he's not baked at all. So Niles is acting high as a kite and Martin is actually buzzed. It's 22 minutes of pure heaven. Niles is trying to be a bad-ass, but as usual, he can't manage to break the rules. And Martin, an ex cop of all things, is tromping around the apartment in his undies with a huge bag of Doritos. Frasier has his own dilemma, trying to adjust to his son's transformation from preppy scholar to goth casanova.

Oh yeah, this also has one of my favorite Frasier lines ever. Two words: FRIDGE PANTS! See for yourself...



Till next time,
Bradley

While You Were Sleeping

Dear Erica,

Why, oh why, does Bill Pullman have to muck up what is otherwise the PERFECT romantic comedy? I love, love, love, love, love this movie. It cemented Sandra Bullock as a bonafide movie star, proving that Speed was not just a fluke. She's so gosh-darn cute as poor Lucy Moderatz, who finds herself single and alone during the holidays. In the grand old tradition of Disney cartoons, she's even been orphaned by the death of her father, so we love her that much more. That she is so plucky amid all these depressing circumstances (that would turn most people into fat blobs or hoarders) not only makes the cake, but takes it.

It's not exactly a Christmas movie, but it takes place in December and there are plenty of twinkle lights to go around. When Lucy gathers around the fireplace with her newly adopted family, it makes me feel all warm and cozy, as if I had just sipped on a mug of hot cocoa. And what a family she has found herself a part of! The man she loves (Peter Gallagher) is in a coma, but his clan is so bubbly and inviting that any woman in her right mind would jump on train tracks to join them. Hell, some would push the guy off the platform, just to save him and have this family forever be indebted to her.

First and foremost, Glynis Johns plays the grandmother. She's a champagne swilling hoot, best known as the mom in Mary Poppins. It's great to see she has not been forgotten in her old age because she is a firecracker. Another favorite of mine is Micole Mecurio as the mom. This woman is some sort of comic genius and should play the mom in every romcom. That might put Linda Lavin out of work, but I don't care. Mecurio is better. Add to the mix Peter Boyle and Jack Warden and you have one big happy family, good for a heap of laughs.

Now back to Bill Pullman. He obviously doesn't ruin the whole movie, but where's Jon Hamm when you need him? Now he's the guy you'd fall in love with. Not Pullman, who always seemed to me less of a leading man and more like a smelly uncle. On Christmas morning, instead of a new watch or camping gear, you'd be more likely to give him soap-on-a-rope. If anyone was to fall in love with him, it would be Jodie Foster or Carnie Wilson. If they were somehow obligated to cast the guy, they should have at least had him switch places with Gallagher and put him in the coma. Then Sandra could have fallen madly in love with the better (and much better smelling) brother, which is something I might buy. As it stands, Pullman and Bullock have zero chemistry, therefore making the last act of the movie a tad dull.

I often put this movie in to go to sleep because by the time it begins to drag I am likely to be asleep. That said, I still think this is one hell of a great movie that always puts me in good spirits. Even more so at Christmastime. Pullman or no Pullman.

Till next time,
Bradley

Welcome and Jingle All The Way

Dear Erica,
(and other readers, of course!)

It's November 1st so Christmas season has officially arrived! I am determined to blog every day until Christmas about whatever Christmas themed movie or TV show I watched that day. I'll be straight with you now and say that I will probably miss days. Or not. I will certainly try to keep it up at a regular pace. Other people will read this, but since you are my bestest Christmas friend (who gets my need to plaster every square inch of my apartment with garland and holly), I am going to write them all to you. So enjoy!!!

Whenever I see Rita Wilson, I think of you. I'm not sure why exactly. Perhaps it's because she's in Sleepless in Seattle and we love that movie. Or perhaps it's because she's in Mixed Nuts and we love that movie too. But, no, I think it's because of Jingle all the Way. Her character in it sucks the big one because she is a big meanie to her husband and a stupid idiot. I mean, come on, how can she not recognize her towering, muscular, AUSTRIAN husband when he's dressed as Turboman? I mean, honestly! Only you laugh at her as hard as I do for being such a one-dimensional drag wife. MERRY CHRISTMAS!

As you may have surmised, the first movie I decided to watch this year was Jingle All the Way. Random choice, and I actually watched it at work. Shh, don't tell my boss. Our DVD player is on the fritz so it was either Jingle All the Way or complete silence. It won't play most discs, but it DOES play said movie so I'm taking it as a sign that Sony is in the Christmas spirit too and wanted me to watch it today. Or I'm justifying my actions, as I tend to do. Whatever, I'm in the spirit here...and I don't like grinches. Especially at work.

Is Sinbad always as obnoxious as he is in this movie? This is clearly a rhetorical question because we all know he's more annoying that Fran Drescher. Hmmm....wouldn't it be funny to see a production of Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf with Sinbad and Fran Drescher? I'd pay top dollar to see that disaster.

Then there's Phil Hartman. He's such a prick in this flick. Total asshole. Nothing like a jerk to put me in the holiday spirit. But he does. When he tells Arnold (aka Howard) that he has "a Turboman doll wrapped safely under his tree," I slap my forehead and ask myself why he doesn't just invite him in to steal the stupid doll. Plot hole #200.

Then of course there is Arnold himself. I love him in family movies. He's somehow very charming, despite his complete lack of acting ability. But watching him chase a poor little girl around the mall like a pedophile gladiator, just for a stupid toy that his son will not even want in a week, makes me giddier than I ought to be. It's just so cheery! Of course he also kills a bunch of people in an explosion at the radio station, but we forgive him that because deep down we all want to hug the big lug. No wonder he's the governor now.

Anyways, I had such a fun time watching the movie and can't wait for TWO WHOLE MONTHS of Christmas cheer. And to all those reading, I am going to take a page from my cousin and require that you comment (even if it's just one word!) if you read an entry. I am determined to get you all to feel the cheer of the season...one holiday movie at a time. So let me know what you think of whatever I'm writing about, any memories you have about it, and also suggest what I SHOULD write about. I have a ton of perennial favorites that I blast through each year, but there are probably dozens of new gems just waiting to be discovered.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS ALL!

Love you Erica,
Bradley