Nothing says Christmas quite like the Food Network. This time of year there are round the clock holiday specials, including Thanksgiving bake-offs, cookie swaps and contests for who can make the largest edible wreath. I am sucker for each and every one of these extravaganzas! Unfortunately, Food Network Canada pales in comparison to its American counterpart. Why would I watch wispy Anna Olson (who wavers over every ingredient) when I could instead tune into the divine Ina Garten. And who cares about Chef at Home Michael Smith when you could have Martha Stewart? Ah well, I have my Food Network USA DVD's to keep me pleasantly cooking this Christmas.
Martha Stewart can be intimidating. We all know her way is the right way, but sometimes you need someone like Ina Garten to remind you that while a turkey does need butter for a crispy skin, it does not require an erotic dairy massage before going into the oven.
Last year I made Martha's Buche de Noel. It took me 3 days to accomplish, but I did it. And here was the result...
Not bad for a first timer. Although here's what it was supposed to look like...
I'm still pleased with my accomplishment, but I have to confess that while I used Martha's recipe, I watched Ina's execution to guide me through it. With Martha looking over my shoulder, I felt I might get a Tonya Harding to the knees if I screwed up one of the meringue mushrooms. But with Ina, I made candy fungus without a care in the world.
Tonight I just watched Martha make a Christmas seafood salad that looked like a barnacle bucket from hell. Now I don't know how many egg nogs she had before taping, but squid and prawns belong no where near my Christmas table. We all know that stuffing a bird's ass says "noel." Shucking clams not so much. On the other hand, I also watched Ina use oysters in her stuffing; however, she repeatedly reminds us that we can omit the fish if we so desire. Something tells me if you asked Martha to leave out the fish, she would rip the handmade pine cone corsage off your wrist and send you to bed without supper.
This year I am going to tackle Ina's pumpkin/banana tart and Martha's English rib roast with popovers and gravy. Everyone is invited.
Till next time,
Bradley
I wish I could partake! I attempted my first turkey this year. I f**ked up and it ended up too salty. Oh well, it was my first. I am even more determined next time. I think I should attempt a turkey next time I come and visit.
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