Stockard Channing

Dear Erica,


It's hard to believe that it was TWO YEARS ago that we spent Thanksgiving in New York. It was a glorious holiday that I will never forget as long as I live. We did so many fun things, it's impossible to know where to begin. The Macy's parade, of course. Starbucks before the parade. Shopping on the pier underneath the Brooklyn Bridge. Pictures at Rockefeller Center. Avenue Q. Jamba Juice. Times Square. Central Park. Zabar's. Bryant Park. FAO Schwartz. Tiffany's. And on and on. But the one thing that stands out, and will stand the test of time, is seeing Stockard Channing live on stage. Holy crap, that was deliciously awful.

Stockard Channing was absolutely, completely, totally, unbelievably and disastrously miscast as Vera Charles in Roundabout's rinky dink revival of Rodgers and Hart's Pal Joey. I can't think of anyone worse for the role, except perhaps the other Channing from Hello, Dolly. Although I would have paid top dollar to see that as well. At 89 years old, I'm sure "Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered" describes her morning.

Not that Stockard Channing is far off from that age herself. Back when she made Grease in 1978, I think she was about 50 or 60 years old playing a teenager. While she may like playing roles decades younger than her actual age, I'm pretty sure Vera was not intended to be a post-menopausal hag in orthopedic shoes. But that's the version we got under director Joe Mantello's radically weird interpretation. It was startling to see this granny hoofing it from one side of the stage to the other. Well, "hoofing it" might be overstating her choreography. Although they did send that poor woman up and down an ugly spiral staircase about a thousand times. No wonder she spent the rest of the play propped up on a Posturpedic Adjustable Bed. She's supposed to be a woman who has hit the sheets with many men, but in this version she lounges in bed because, I don't know, she slipped a disc?

Then there is the other bizarre casting decision in the name of Matthew Risch. Plucked from the chorus to STAR as Joey in Pal-freaking-Joey was a wispy chorus boy whose only asset as an actor appeared to be his abs. Although lately that gets performers farther and father. Nowadays actors are studying their craft at Bally's Total Fitness. I'm sure Julliard now has a spinning class.

Thinking back, perhaps this is why Stockard seemed so damn old. Here was a respectable and mature actress carrying on with a slutty and juvenile twink. Was this the intention? Did Mantello decide that we've all seen the Oedipus story, where a son falls in love with his mother, so he instead chose to make it about a boy in love with someone who could be his grandmother? If so, he should probably see a therapist because that's just weird. This is Rodgers and Hart, not Harold and Maude.

I don't want to give the impression that I do not like Stockard Channing. In fact, quite the opposite is true. I have loved her for years and think she has a truly original comedic voice. She has the rare ability to deliver a punchline in a way you did not expect. Sure, I have often wanted to come at her with a face cloth. It might be that she uses a charcoal blush, but quite often it looks like she just came out of a mineshaft. And you know she smells of Pall Malls and flop sweat. But no matter, she's a terrific actress. I suppose it's not her fault for being miscast in this production that could best be described as a shambles. Why would she turn down a paying gig? At least she tried her best. Instead of warbling out the classic songs, she wisely chose to speak sing them all. Which is a shame, given Pal Joey has some of the best songs ever written for the musical theater. But I would rather hear them spoken than decimated. Here she can be seen resting during one of her big musical numbers.



As for Risch, I suppose I can't blame him either for nabbing a lead role when it presented itself. When you're young, you have no idea when you're out of your league. He spent the whole show floundering in Gene Kelly's enormous set of shoes. You sort of had to feel bad for the guy. That is until he lifted his shirt and out came the muscles. Then it was "screw you, buddy."

Despite the fact that the production was awful, there is no place I would have rather been on this Thanksgiving with you. From that day on, the songs of Pal Joey will mean Thanksgiving to me. Not many people have a soundtrack for this holiday, but just as "Silent Night" makes one think of Jesus in a manger, "I Could Write a Book" will remind me of stuffing in a turkey. And my bestest Thanksgiving friend.

Till next time,
Bradley