Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer

Dear Erica,

The idea of stop motion animation completely fries my brain. I am patient up to a point, but the thought of moving little dolls a fraction of an inch dozens of times a day over the course of a year makes me want to find the nearest cliff and jump off. Thankfully I did not have to make Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, but instead get to enjoy its wealth of warm humor and homosexual agenda.

Say what? That's right. Long before Will and Grace "broke ground for gays on TV," there was Rudolph and Hermie the Elf. The two (gay) misfits travel across the tundra together and fall in (gay) love. They even spend a (gay) night together. Historically Rudolph is an outcast because of his shiny nose, but when it comes down to it, he is just a big sissy who has been traumatized by his chauvinistic father who would rather he be mackin' on every female in sight. But Rudolph wants none of this. He would rather stay at home with his subservient mother or shack up with the only other gay at the North Pole.

One might say I am projecting my own feelings onto Rudolph, and they could be right. But Hermie is another matter entirely. There is no other conclusion to be drawn from his appearance and actions except that he is a flaming queen on the prowl for some Arctic tail. He has the sixties version of gay bangs, a nasal voice that borders on a lisp, extreme opinions about the decor of the workshop, and is dressed with more finesse than the other elves. He also has no interest in making toys and would rather be a dentist. My guess is that the CBS censors swooped in at the last minute and had them loop "dentist" over "hair dresser" or "ballerina."

Long before Harvey Milk and Cyndi Lauper began standing up for gay rights, Rankin and Bass were blazing the trail with cotton fiber snow and little flocked reindeer. I mean, just consider for a moment what really happens in this story. Rudolph and Hermie save Christmas. You go, girls.

Till next time,
Bradley