The Dog Who Saved Christmas Vacation

Dear Erica,

ABC Family is once again up to no good with this craptacular TV movie, complete with talking dogs. Yet I subjected myself to it for some ungodly reason. All you need to know is that the main dogs are played by Paris Hilton and Mario Lopez. It's a toss up as to which one of them I hate more. I suppose I will have to call it even and just let you watch the trailer to see what I put myself through.



Till next time,
Bradley

30 Rock: Ludachristmas

Dear Erica,

Elaine Stritch is some sort of genius. Andy and I saw her at the State Theatre in Minneapolis a handful of years ago, performing in a one woman show about her life. It was astounding to watch this woman in her eighties singing, dancing and acting with all the verve in the world. Although I guess if you don't give it your all when it's the story of your life, when will you?

My favorite 30 Rock episode, although this changes daily and should not be considered definitive, is "Ludachristmas." Stritch has since made annual appearances on episodes of the show thanks to her memorable portrayal of Jack Donaghy's mother in this one. She even won an Emmy for it, and deservedly so. I'd show you a clip from the show, but I wouldn't want to spoil it in case you haven't seen it yet. And if you have not, stop reading, slap yourself and buy the DVD immediately. Instead, I want to share a video of her accepting an Emmy Award. This is not the Emmy she won for 30 Rock, but rather the one she nabbed for the screen version of the aforementioned stage show about her life. It's one of the greatest acceptance speeches of all time...



For the record, my other favorite 30 Rock episode is "Rosemary's Baby" starring comedy legend Carrie Fisher. Oh, and "Subway Hero" starring comedy legend Tim Conway. Or "Gavin Volure" starring comedy legend Steve Martin. Oh, who am I kidding? I love them all, each starring future comedy legend Tina Fey.

Till next time,
Bradley

Home Alone

Dear Erica,

Yesterday I wrote about how much I love Home Alone 2, and then I put in the original tonight. I wasn't lying, I still prefer the hi-jinks in the hotel; however, when it comes down to it, Home Alone (1) is a far superior movie. Macaulay Culkin is younger and cuter. He doesn't have to compete with a huge cast of characters and virtually carries the whole movie himself. Catherine O'Hara gets a lot more to do, which is always a good thing. John Candy is in it. The attack on Joe Pesci and Daniel Stern only lasts about 15 minutes, whereas in the sequel they are tortured to to the point of near death for almost half an hour. The creepy-neighbor-turned-nice-guy is completely endearing. So, yeah, it's actually a better movie. I love both and usually watch number 2 more times each Christmas, but looking back it's easy to see what made the franchise so popular in the first place. That reason is Culkin. And it's safe to say that child actors don't get cuter as they get older. So I have to admit it's probably better to check out this one if given the choice between the two.

Till next time,
Bradley

Home Alone 2: Lost in New York

Dear Erica,

Macaulay Culkin is up to his hi-jinks yet again in this remake of the first Home Alone. I call it a remake rather than a sequel since, let's be honest here, it's practically a scene for scene retread. Although I love the original Home Alone, I prefer this one for several reasons. It has three plot devices that I am partial to: Christmas, New York and hotels. I'm a sucker for movies that have virtually any of these dictating the action. New York (Woody Allen and Nora Ephron movies), hotels (Some Like it Hot) and Christmas (insert any Christmas movie here). Put them all together and I will think you have nothing short of a masterpiece. Home Alone 2 scores on all counts.

Catherine O'Hara and John Heard should probably be arrested for reckless endangerment of a child. In the first movie they seem genuinely shocked and horrified to forget their kid when they go on vacation. I get the feeling in this one that, yeah, they feel bad, but he's a big boy and will figure it out. There are a couple obligatory "NOTHING'S GONNA STOP ME FROM FINDING MY CHILD" scenes, but mostly they laugh and reminisce over the last time they put their boy in jeopardy. Love it!

The hotel staff is priceless. Ever since Tim Curry made Clue, he can pretty much do no wrong in my eyes. He's particularly funny in this, playing up his British oaf routine to the max. I can safely say this is the only good Rob Schneider movie and (I can't believe I'm saying this) he's really good in his bit part. Dana Ivey manages to take any wee part she is handed and mine it for comedy gold. I actually have a funny story about her. She was slurping soup, all alone, in a swanky New York restaurant one time and everyone could feel her icy chill as she stared silently up from her bowl. Okay, maybe it's not that funny, but I thought I'd share anyway.

With such a great cast in the hotel, it's sort of a shame they brought back Daniel Stern and Joe Pesci as the bad guys. Culkin could have just as easily put the hotel staff through a maze of torture at the Plaza. Perhaps then it wouldn't have seemed like such a repeat of the original. Imagine what he could have done if he somehow rigged a bunch of hotel rooms. No disrespect to Stern or Pesci. They were great in the first one. But did we really need to see them return? Not when we have Tim Curry that could take a paint can to the face.

Along with Christmas Vacation, Jingle All the Way, Christmas With the Kranks and Mixed Nuts, this is the most watched Christmas flick on my shelf. I usually wait until December to break it out, but with the days going by faster and faster it seemed silly to hold off any longer.

Till next time,
Bradley

Love Actually

Dear Erica,

Every time I watch this movie I have a new favorite character or plot line. When I first saw the movie I was smitten with the girl who plays Hugh Grant's foul mouthed assistant. She's easily one of the most gorgeous women I have ever laid eyes on, and she's funny to boot. Then there is Keira Knightly's admirer. I have no idea who he is, but he's so endearing when he shows up at her doorstep to profess his feelings. I cry EVERY time I see the scene. Liam Neeson and his son are just so awesome together. When Christmas morning rolls around and Emma Thompson realizes her husband is having an affair, my heart breaks a million times over. Bill Nighy as the washed up rocker is easily the funniest character, although he has stiff competition from the British bloke on a trip to the USA. The only story line I have a hard time watching is the Laura Linney saga with her brother. When her cell phone keeps going off during her date with one of the most gorgeous people alive (who also just happens to be a good guy), I almost have to plug my ears and look away. It's just too devastating. Which, I suppose, is the point of the whole thing. Another reason I love this flick is for its awesome soundtrack. Not only does it have some terrific Christmas tunes, but it also has some kick-ass pop tunes from the early 2000's. I remember this movie came a couple years after 9/11 and was one of the first to use it as an emotional grabber. It certainly worked and this will always be one of my all time favorite movies. It's not easy to keep a cast this huge in line without confusing the audience, and this one never takes a misstep. Every time I watch it I find something new to love, so I think I'm going to pop it in again right now!

Till next time,
Bradley

Aretha Franklin

Dear Erica,

Aretha's Winter Wonderland is my ultimate Christmas recording. I usually wait until the first snowfall to bust this one out, but I couldn't wait. And I was so thrilled to have found it online. Do enjoy!



Till next time,
Bradley

Stockard Channing

Dear Erica,


It's hard to believe that it was TWO YEARS ago that we spent Thanksgiving in New York. It was a glorious holiday that I will never forget as long as I live. We did so many fun things, it's impossible to know where to begin. The Macy's parade, of course. Starbucks before the parade. Shopping on the pier underneath the Brooklyn Bridge. Pictures at Rockefeller Center. Avenue Q. Jamba Juice. Times Square. Central Park. Zabar's. Bryant Park. FAO Schwartz. Tiffany's. And on and on. But the one thing that stands out, and will stand the test of time, is seeing Stockard Channing live on stage. Holy crap, that was deliciously awful.

Stockard Channing was absolutely, completely, totally, unbelievably and disastrously miscast as Vera Charles in Roundabout's rinky dink revival of Rodgers and Hart's Pal Joey. I can't think of anyone worse for the role, except perhaps the other Channing from Hello, Dolly. Although I would have paid top dollar to see that as well. At 89 years old, I'm sure "Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered" describes her morning.

Not that Stockard Channing is far off from that age herself. Back when she made Grease in 1978, I think she was about 50 or 60 years old playing a teenager. While she may like playing roles decades younger than her actual age, I'm pretty sure Vera was not intended to be a post-menopausal hag in orthopedic shoes. But that's the version we got under director Joe Mantello's radically weird interpretation. It was startling to see this granny hoofing it from one side of the stage to the other. Well, "hoofing it" might be overstating her choreography. Although they did send that poor woman up and down an ugly spiral staircase about a thousand times. No wonder she spent the rest of the play propped up on a Posturpedic Adjustable Bed. She's supposed to be a woman who has hit the sheets with many men, but in this version she lounges in bed because, I don't know, she slipped a disc?

Then there is the other bizarre casting decision in the name of Matthew Risch. Plucked from the chorus to STAR as Joey in Pal-freaking-Joey was a wispy chorus boy whose only asset as an actor appeared to be his abs. Although lately that gets performers farther and father. Nowadays actors are studying their craft at Bally's Total Fitness. I'm sure Julliard now has a spinning class.

Thinking back, perhaps this is why Stockard seemed so damn old. Here was a respectable and mature actress carrying on with a slutty and juvenile twink. Was this the intention? Did Mantello decide that we've all seen the Oedipus story, where a son falls in love with his mother, so he instead chose to make it about a boy in love with someone who could be his grandmother? If so, he should probably see a therapist because that's just weird. This is Rodgers and Hart, not Harold and Maude.

I don't want to give the impression that I do not like Stockard Channing. In fact, quite the opposite is true. I have loved her for years and think she has a truly original comedic voice. She has the rare ability to deliver a punchline in a way you did not expect. Sure, I have often wanted to come at her with a face cloth. It might be that she uses a charcoal blush, but quite often it looks like she just came out of a mineshaft. And you know she smells of Pall Malls and flop sweat. But no matter, she's a terrific actress. I suppose it's not her fault for being miscast in this production that could best be described as a shambles. Why would she turn down a paying gig? At least she tried her best. Instead of warbling out the classic songs, she wisely chose to speak sing them all. Which is a shame, given Pal Joey has some of the best songs ever written for the musical theater. But I would rather hear them spoken than decimated. Here she can be seen resting during one of her big musical numbers.



As for Risch, I suppose I can't blame him either for nabbing a lead role when it presented itself. When you're young, you have no idea when you're out of your league. He spent the whole show floundering in Gene Kelly's enormous set of shoes. You sort of had to feel bad for the guy. That is until he lifted his shirt and out came the muscles. Then it was "screw you, buddy."

Despite the fact that the production was awful, there is no place I would have rather been on this Thanksgiving with you. From that day on, the songs of Pal Joey will mean Thanksgiving to me. Not many people have a soundtrack for this holiday, but just as "Silent Night" makes one think of Jesus in a manger, "I Could Write a Book" will remind me of stuffing in a turkey. And my bestest Thanksgiving friend.

Till next time,
Bradley